A question has reached me today that made me think deeply about how I make choices: What criteria do I use?
I am happy to talk about my own process with the caveat that everyone has their own process, and that it would surprise me greatly if someone else had my process.
Let me take a situation that was operating just this morning.
My sweetheart has an acting gig for an Equity theatre in Maine. Rehearsal starts tomorrow. Our plan was to drive together to Maine today, get things settled in, and then I would drive back to Boston on my own.
The Weather (in this case, with a capital W) had other plans this morning.
Conversation over breakfast went through the three-tiered process laid out below by British founder of Market and Opinion Research International, Sir Robert Worcester. He says of the general public:
“Opinions are the ripples on the surface of the public’s consciousness, shallow and easily changed.
Attitudes are the currents below the surface, deeper and stronger.
Values are the deep tides of the public mood, slow to change, but powerful.”
Well, no surprise here. I am a part of the general public. Aren’t we all?
My Earl Grey tea was sending its steamy plume toward the cold kitchen windows. We started with our Opinions (metaphysically, Thoughts). “I really should be able to drive back no matter the weather.”
We graduated to Attitudes (metaphysically, Feelings). “I don’t want you to go.”
Then, all at once, we both let go and opened ourselves to the Best Choice, namely Values (metaphysically, Knowings). “I don’t really need the car till Tuesday morning.” She has to come back on Monday evening to teach Tuesday morning. “It’ll be less stressful on me if I drive up with you Tuesday after class and come back to Boston Wednesday morning on my own after the weather has cleared up.”
I want you to know that we didn’t realize we were following Sir Robert’s steps. What we were really doing was asking my two standard Values questions.
Is it simple?
Is it elegant?
These are the two questions that I have learned to ask about ANY and EVERY choice I make. These are two of my important Values.
Often, we have to go through the Thoughts (Opinions) and Feelings (Attitudes) before we get to Knowings (Values). Better, we have to strip away and let go of our thoughts and feelings to get to what we know.
What we both knew this morning was that I tend to stress out going 65 miles per hour even when the day is fine. Did I have to go to Maine today? No. Could I manage without the car for a couple of days? Sure. Would I be better off later in the week when the weather has eased up a bit? Absolutely.
Is it simple? Is it elegant?
Unless I get an affirmative to both questions, I know that I haven't yet found the Best Choice.
This is my process for making choices. What’s yours?
Showing posts with label choice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choice. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
Choice . . . and Consequence
Recently I was invited to give an informal talk at my undergraduate alma mater for seniors facing their first “real-world” (whatever that means!) experience. We met in the living room of Mary Ellen Chase House over tea.
My chat was called, “Yes, there IS life after Smith.” I thought the title was humorous. It turned out not to be. There was a genuine, heartfelt question about whether there really is life after college, and can I, do I have what it takes, to handle it, make it, function, in the real world?
What I thought I was going to talk about flew out the mental window. I found I went to a much more fundamental place in myself to address the fundamental place where these seniors were residing.
I ended up talking about choosing. Plainly, simply making a choice. I could feel the room hold its collective breath when I mentioned choosing. Why? Because right with the introduction of the concept of choosing came the towering fear of making the “wrong” choice. I mean, instantly, do-not-pass-go, immediately, at once. If I had to write it as an equation it would look like this:
Choosing = Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
The two were identical. How did this come to be? How could it be that a roomful of very bright, well-educated young women were paralyzed by the need to make a choice—any choice—at all?
It seemed patently clear to me that no one had told these promising young people that there is a simple secret to choosing which takes much of the fear out of it. It has three aspects.
First, there is no such thing as a wrong choice.
I mean it—quite literally. There IS no such thing as a wrong choice. There are only choices which yield results.
Second, choices simply have consequences.
Consequences. No more, no less. If you have peanut butter and jelly for lunch, you’re not having turkey. That’s all. If you’re seeing The Sound of Music, you’re not seeing a Star Wars movie at the same time.
Third, if you don’t like the consequences, you get to choose again.
Maybe you don’t get to have lunch all over again, but you could have turkey tomorrow if the PBJ didn’t satisfy today. Or you could rent a Star Wars movie tonight after a matinée with the Von Trapps.
I’m being slightly facetious by using less-than-what-seems-dire examples, but try out my theory with a choice about a job. There was a marvelous young woman in the room who had majored in Economics. She has applied for a one-year position with Teach for America. What’s the worst thing that could happen? She gets the job, and she realizes part way into it that she really doesn’t want to do a job like this. Great! More information about herself for herself. She gets to choose again when the position is up.
This is true for all of us. We get to choose again if we don’t like the consequences of our choices.
Did you know that commercial airline pilots are off-course 85% of the time? This means that they’re on-course 15% of the time. Only 15%! The rest of the time they’re, if you will, re-choosing, also known as . . . steering. Now airline pilots have measurable coordinates by which on- and off-coursed-ness is measured. Most of our choices aren’t measured in this way.
So what can we use as coordinates if Air Traffic Control doesn’t supply them? What we ALL have (pilots or not) is an Inner Air Traffic Controller called the Divine Spark. That Spark grows into a flame when we make choices which are in our best interests. The Spark diminishes into an ember when we make less than ideal choices.
Once again, dear one, help wanted? As always, inquire within.
It was a pleasure to speak to these young women, women who will step forward in their own ways and make significant contributions to the greater health and well-being of our world. I was glad to be able to tell them about choices—and consequences—and the universal ability to choose again.
This dozen young women got it, they heard me, and they let out that collective breath and let go a little of their fear. On the drive home, I thought to myself, Wow, these young women gave me a huge wallop of hope for the future of our planet. Ain’t that grand?
My chat was called, “Yes, there IS life after Smith.” I thought the title was humorous. It turned out not to be. There was a genuine, heartfelt question about whether there really is life after college, and can I, do I have what it takes, to handle it, make it, function, in the real world?
What I thought I was going to talk about flew out the mental window. I found I went to a much more fundamental place in myself to address the fundamental place where these seniors were residing.
I ended up talking about choosing. Plainly, simply making a choice. I could feel the room hold its collective breath when I mentioned choosing. Why? Because right with the introduction of the concept of choosing came the towering fear of making the “wrong” choice. I mean, instantly, do-not-pass-go, immediately, at once. If I had to write it as an equation it would look like this:
Choosing = Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
The two were identical. How did this come to be? How could it be that a roomful of very bright, well-educated young women were paralyzed by the need to make a choice—any choice—at all?
It seemed patently clear to me that no one had told these promising young people that there is a simple secret to choosing which takes much of the fear out of it. It has three aspects.
First, there is no such thing as a wrong choice.
I mean it—quite literally. There IS no such thing as a wrong choice. There are only choices which yield results.
Second, choices simply have consequences.
Consequences. No more, no less. If you have peanut butter and jelly for lunch, you’re not having turkey. That’s all. If you’re seeing The Sound of Music, you’re not seeing a Star Wars movie at the same time.
Third, if you don’t like the consequences, you get to choose again.
Maybe you don’t get to have lunch all over again, but you could have turkey tomorrow if the PBJ didn’t satisfy today. Or you could rent a Star Wars movie tonight after a matinée with the Von Trapps.
I’m being slightly facetious by using less-than-what-seems-dire examples, but try out my theory with a choice about a job. There was a marvelous young woman in the room who had majored in Economics. She has applied for a one-year position with Teach for America. What’s the worst thing that could happen? She gets the job, and she realizes part way into it that she really doesn’t want to do a job like this. Great! More information about herself for herself. She gets to choose again when the position is up.
This is true for all of us. We get to choose again if we don’t like the consequences of our choices.
Did you know that commercial airline pilots are off-course 85% of the time? This means that they’re on-course 15% of the time. Only 15%! The rest of the time they’re, if you will, re-choosing, also known as . . . steering. Now airline pilots have measurable coordinates by which on- and off-coursed-ness is measured. Most of our choices aren’t measured in this way.
So what can we use as coordinates if Air Traffic Control doesn’t supply them? What we ALL have (pilots or not) is an Inner Air Traffic Controller called the Divine Spark. That Spark grows into a flame when we make choices which are in our best interests. The Spark diminishes into an ember when we make less than ideal choices.
Once again, dear one, help wanted? As always, inquire within.
It was a pleasure to speak to these young women, women who will step forward in their own ways and make significant contributions to the greater health and well-being of our world. I was glad to be able to tell them about choices—and consequences—and the universal ability to choose again.
This dozen young women got it, they heard me, and they let out that collective breath and let go a little of their fear. On the drive home, I thought to myself, Wow, these young women gave me a huge wallop of hope for the future of our planet. Ain’t that grand?
Friday, March 23, 2007
Made To Order
Seeds IX, 12
Seed: Made To Order
You’ve heard before, I’m sure, that we create our own reality. It’s a misnomer to a certain extent. We actually co-create our own reality. This means that whatever we experience as reality is made to order.
Is that a stretch for you? It used to be for me. I had some pretty drastic experiences growing up. Many of us did. The idea that somehow, somewhere, deep within me, I co-created them was a bitter pill to swallow for a long time.
What changed it for me? It’s simple. I wanted to change. I wanted things to be different. When I understood that I’d made my experience to order, I also understood that I could place a different order. That’s what choosing is all about.
Let’s say that life really is made to order. Do you like what you ordered? Great. If you don’t, place a new order. It can take time for things to change, but if you want to change, and you place a changed order, they’re far more likely to do so.
Be serene,
Dr. Susan Corso
Seeds are remarkable gifts. Sown in consciousness, they bring you to the most important part of your being—your Divine Spark.
When you have friends you would like added to the Seeds e-mail list, send their addresses to me at SeedsDrCorso@comcast.net.
Seed: Made To Order
You’ve heard before, I’m sure, that we create our own reality. It’s a misnomer to a certain extent. We actually co-create our own reality. This means that whatever we experience as reality is made to order.
Is that a stretch for you? It used to be for me. I had some pretty drastic experiences growing up. Many of us did. The idea that somehow, somewhere, deep within me, I co-created them was a bitter pill to swallow for a long time.
What changed it for me? It’s simple. I wanted to change. I wanted things to be different. When I understood that I’d made my experience to order, I also understood that I could place a different order. That’s what choosing is all about.
Let’s say that life really is made to order. Do you like what you ordered? Great. If you don’t, place a new order. It can take time for things to change, but if you want to change, and you place a changed order, they’re far more likely to do so.
Be serene,
Dr. Susan Corso
Seeds are remarkable gifts. Sown in consciousness, they bring you to the most important part of your being—your Divine Spark.
When you have friends you would like added to the Seeds e-mail list, send their addresses to me at SeedsDrCorso@comcast.net.
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